Really.. really long post, popcorn will probably help you out!

 Ok so i have been debating for a really long time what i should update my blog with since not a whole lot really goes on in our lives but, i am home this weekend while josh is gone to LA and realized ya know what we have been through a lot the past couple years and now is the time i feel like i can share.

 Well i follow facebook 24/7 guilty (im lame), and love to see girls posting about being pregnant and their cute pictures. But there is one thing i hate seeing/reading is when they complain about how sick they are, "im so fat", and they dont think they can make it to the end.. on and on. Ya know what, what about those of us who cant get pregnant? I would give anything to feel sick everyday and give it all i could to barely be able to crawl out of bed for work in the morning just knowing i had a new life growing inside of me. 

WE have been through a lot, more than i could have ever imagined in the world of INFERTILITY! I never realized the miracle of bringing a new life into the world than i have learned over the past few years. Infertility is a crazy complex word that i never thought i would ever have to even think twice about. But guess what i was wrong. 

I have always wanted a family and be able to be a young and fun mom like my mom was and is. (love ya mom :)) Well come to find out after not preventing after 2 1/2 years being married and nothing coming out of it i figured it was time to maybe take it more seriously Went to the doctor last March 2010 and they told me everything was normal including a HSG i had done previously in December 2009 fun stuff i tell ya :), and that maybe we should check on my husbands end again.(which we already new was abnormal and he had surgery in february 2010 to try and increase our chances for pregnancy).Things still weren't great at that point but, we were told not to be discouraged because his surgery he had takes about 6 months for full effect. Well we decided last September to try AI (artificial insemination) and felt GREAT about it. Well guess what....no success along with the next two attempts in October and November 2010. 

Frustrated? YES. Confused? Yes. Sad? Yes 

All of these at this point were constantly going through our minds. 

We re-grouped and decided 2011 was our year and we were ready for a fresh start. We celebrated our 3rd Anniversary together more in love than ever. A few months went by and reality set in again and we decided it was time to meet with a specialist and see if there was another option besides the insanely expensive In-vitro. We met with Dr. Richards (who is AWESOME)and immediately felt comfortable with him. After 2 hours in his office and a fantastic tour of their facility we new our answer more clear than ever, In-Vitro here we come! 

(sorry this is so long trying to cut out all the lame details)

We knew are plan from there on out, from having a phone chat with the other doctor who flies in from LA (Dr. Marrs) to help with procedure, to the lovely daily shots of hormones, Labs..labs and more labs, and ultrasounds to monitor levels and eggs!(needless to say josh was a champ putting up with my random crying episodes) 

Egg retrieval day August 26th, 10 eggs successfully retrieved. In the meantime our embryos growing, lost 3 with 7 still growing healthy.

August 31st, egg transfer of 2 healthy embryos. 2 were frozen.

After this i felt all the crazy symptoms of being pregnant i never felt before and was so excited until the next wednesday rolled around, i knew something wasn't right. TO sum it all up went and got my labs drawn very low HCG was 12 not good at all at this point and was losing the pregnancy. Went again monday and it was 0. And it was all over with..............................

I was devastated at this point knowing so many people were on our side and they would all be so disappointed by the news. The next little while was hard and more frustrating than ever and there was no explanation why it didn't work. Back to square one.

WE all have trials in our lives some bigger than others. This is our trial and surprisingly i have grown so much as a person and we have learned to lean on not only each other in our hardest times but also our heavenly father. We have all heard this a billion times, "Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and when its meant to happen it will". I can 100% say i believe this now. I can't say that in this trial it means i will be able to have a child myself (which i hope more than anything)one day but adoption is something i feel sooo strong about and have always wanted to adopt and if thats what happens i wouldn't hesitate for one minute. 

This is our crazy journey this far not including dumb house repairs,searching for that infamous money tree that is growing somewhere out there, and trying to convince our dog that she is not a human.

Thanks for all your support i love each and everyone one of you so much for all your support and advice during this craziness. We love you all so much! Josh your the best husband i could ever ask for and am excited for the future with you whatever it may be! 

-Trish